Memories from the Life

Some things seem to prompt reflections more easily than others and some things simply bring them on with a rush. Today, for some strange reason, I am inundated, for no apparent cause, with recollections from my life in this strange occupation of photojournalism. A few of these are bittersweet, but the majority are welcome reminders of the things and people that I've encountered along the twisted path that we call life. The bittersweet remains, perhaps, the most vivid, but the remainder are, nevertheless, as clear as the day they occurred, though perhaps textured by the passage of time and the desire to hold on to the essence of their impact. I think that we all have that in common. We want to remember, exactly, how things were, but tend, instead, to subtly filter the extraneous details and hold on to core of the experience. Still, memory is a marvelous and amazing thing. It is said that the mind will selectively filter out horrendous experiences in our lives and bury them deep within the subconscious, things such as severe and intense pain great emotional anguish or truly painful memories, while saving, in the forefront, the best of ourselves. There are, however, a few souls for whom this may not be the case, or at least not entirely so. Perhaps, as a group, photojournalists are such souls, but definitely there are those, myself included, for whom this is certainly so. There is very little, if any, of my life that I can not recall. Not always at will, I must add, but when the mind chooses to wander the pathways of my past, nothing much is left untouched. I can remember,with great clarity, events from my very early childhood, events that are verified by others and likewise, people and events from there onwards, throughout my life. Eerily, at times, I even recall words spoken and reactions resulting. I also have an uncanny ability to remember almost every photograph I have ever taken, Not, as a photographic memory would, but rather,upon seeing the image again,all the details about it return to me. Sometimes, to haunt me,as in "What was I thinking!? " and other times as refreshing little insights into why I chose to act as I did, or say what I said,or shoot what I shot. I hardly think that I am, in any way, unique in this ability, but I do believe that it is a part of being a photojournalist, or at the least a part of my being a photojournalist. To me, a chronicler of one's time, should remember it well,if they hope to present it for others. It also is an invaluable tool in one's search for the meaning(s) to their life choices and the results.

A Time For Reflection, A Time For Rebirth

There comes to every photographer, I think, a time when they reflect upon all things photographic and particularly those that best relate to their present circumstances or situation. It may be at a certain juncture in their lives or simply at a point of change,either in the industry or their own connection to it. One such time, for me, was when the world turned digital and another, is now, as I am approaching an age when many people choose to retire. Next birthday, I will be 64, an age when retirement is a chronological option and it has caused me to pause and reflect. Reflect, not on retirement, but on where I will choose to go from here. Perhaps, after resisting it all these years, I will invest in,at least some, digital capture equipment and definitely, I will change the direction of my work. Although I seriously prefer film to digital and still maintain the capability of a large darkroom, the availability of films has certainly diminished and with Kodak's recent restructuring, may do so even more. In addition, I have added certain limitations to my ability to travel constantly, namely my horses and this will require that I adjust my photographic endeavours, to a large degree.Rather than pursue the avenues I previously used to earn from, I will focus my work closer to home and plan well in advance, any travel requirements. Although I had previously begun to explore more documentary focused work, I will now do so with a renewed effort and a more structured approach. Granted, if the opportunity arises to jump into a news worthy story I would not hesitate,not for a New York minute,but my focus can not stay in that arena. Not because it is a younger man's game, because it really is not a matter of age, but because I want to spend time with the horses and I enjoy the changes they represent. Beyond that, is the fact that my simplified life has also come with diminished financial capacity and so, less grandiose projects than travelling the globe in search of the perfect moment or event are better suited to me now.
One area that will exhibit change, is this blog. It has never been an all encompassing passion for me to write this tome, but rather, a place to put some thoughts to paper, so to speak and see if anyone is interested. I am not a social networking stalwart, nor will I ever become one. I find the whole idea to be a waste of precious time and I have never seen a wit of personal benefit come from it. Nevertheless, having said that, this blog is somewhat different,at least for me. This is more akin to a diary, that I have chosen to make public, than to a frantic search for people to like me. I actually do not care if the huddled masses like me or not,follow me or not,link to me or not. I write because I have something to say, if only to myself and if and when others choose to read it, is of little consequence to my continuing to write. Having said that, I have decided that I need to do so more often. Not to accumulate more followers/readers/aficionados, but because I find the entire process to be, somehow, cathartic and also illuminating. When one writes down ones thoughts, they tend to become clarified. Beyond that, if I am to hold true to the profile description of this blog, I need to write a lot more, if this is to present any kind of an accurate depiction of me and how I got where I am.
Over the last four or five years, I have gotten a fair way away from much of photography and my former involvement in the medium. I have not left it behind, but I have distanced myself from the day to day grind of being a photographer/photojournalist/artist, of no repute. Now it is time to be born again and not in any sort of Judeo Christian sense of the phrase, but as myself. Photography has always defined who I was and it is time for it to do so again.